A Clean Break
by georgesgurl117
Summary: She had no evidence that she was in danger, but she knew that if the situation was as dire as it seemed in her head, her timing would have to be perfect. Her hand was shaking uncontrollably and she could hear her heart beating in her ears.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: They are not mine, as evidenced by the fact they pull down 7.7 million dollars a year. I would only be able to pay them in hugs. Although absolutely lovely, hugs do not, unfortunately, pay the bills or feed the family.  
**

**A/N: **There are more than a few "bad" words in this chapter, but only because it accurately sets the mood. Please don't burn me because of it! But reviews and other constructive criticism is always welcome!

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**Chapter 1**

The hairs on the back of Liv's neck bristled and stood on end when the dog growled.

A car was parked across the street from the front door of her apartment building. She couldn't determine the color, make, or model, much less the license plate. She could only make out the silhouette of it in the dim glow of the street lamp. Maybe she was being too paranoid, but she didn't recognize it from the neighborhood. And she knew it hadn't been there when she left the building.

"Good dog." She wrapped the leash tighter around her left hand, while slowly pulling out her pistol with the right. She looked behind her to make sure no one was there, then slid up against the cool brick wall, using the darkness to her advantage.

The dog began to whine softly.

"Shhh..." Liv patted the dog on the top of the head. It quieted instantly.

Liv smiled briefly down at it. "You know, you're better trained in than Elliot."

The dog never disengaged his attention from the suspicious vehicle, but wagged his tail in response.

Liv knew that she was going to have to try to get inside without being seen by any of the car's occupants, if there were any. Sensing no movement from the car, she quickly slithered against the wall to the doorway where she briefly peeked around the corner and then back at the automobile. The well-lit vestibule had appeared to be clear.

Liv tightened her grip on the gun. She cursed herself for being so headstrong. _Damn it, girl! You should have just let Munch walk the damn dog!_

She had no evidence that she was in danger, but she knew that if the situation was as dire as it seemed in her head, her timing would have to be perfect. She raised her eyes briefly to the darkened sky. _Please Lord, just let this all work out." _

She glanced at her watch. _Nine fifty-five. The doors lock automatically at ten. _It was now or never. Suddenly, she had a bitter realization._ Crap! The inside doors are always locked, unless being buzzed in. _She thought about the latter for a minute. _No--it's too risky. Unlocking the door will be faster. _

Popping her head around the corner to check the entryway once again, she felt around in the pocket of her jeans for her keys with the hand holding the dog's leash. _God, could they make these pants any tighter? _After successfully grabbing hold of and extracting the ring of keys, she eyeballed the car. Still no movement.

"Ready, pooch?"

The dog wagged its tail one time. Liv took several deep breaths. Time was slipping by, and she couldn't put it off anymore. She said a silent prayer.

"Okay, go!"

Liv darted across the open and sailed easily through the first set of doors. The second set provided more of a challenge. The adrenaline pumping through her system made it nearly impossible to slide the key in the lock. After a few seconds, she realized she had the wrong key. _Fuck! Which one is it? Why can't I fucking remember? Why do they have to look so much alike?  
_

She glanced hastily behind her. The reflection on the side of the car was changing, indicating the opening of a door. She whipped back to try the next key.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Her hand was shaking uncontrollably and she could hear her heart beating in her ears. As she nearly dropped the keys, she looked once again through the glass doors.

A leg appeared beneath the door. "Shit!" she hissed as she swung her attention to the keyhole and a third key. It fit, but the lock didn't want to budge. _It's like a scene out of a fucking horror movie! _

"Oh, come on!" she shouted at the lock. "Fucking door!"

Furious, Liv kicked the bottom of the door. The lock finally released. _About fucking time!_ Yanking the herself and the dog through, she pulled her key out and slammed the door shut just as someone in a dark suit had made it halfway across the street. She raced across the lobby to the stairs, taking the steps three at a time.

As she reached her floor, a buzzing sound echoed through the building, signaling that the outer doors had been locked. Olivia let out a quick sigh of relief, and continued on her way. She swept her gun back and forth, checking the threshold of each and every door in the hallway. Satisfied that no one was lurking in the shadows, she returned to her apartment door.

She managed to unlock it without any problems. Liv pushed it closed behind them. She securely fastened all four locks on her door, and leaned her back against it. Feeling worn out from her adrenaline rush and wiping away sweat from her brow, she slid down to the floor.

She reached for the dog to pat its head, but found it wasn't next to her. She remembered that while unlocking the first lock, she had let the leash go lax. She yanked on it, but it had already been stretched taut. As she had neglected to turn on the lights, it took her a moment to realize the dog was now on point and was growling in warning.

Liv still held the gun in her right hand. Picking it up off of the floor, she aimlessly pointed into the darkness, trying to listen for any clue that would give away a position.

A man's voice pleasantly sang out. "Good Evening, Detective Benson."

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A/N: Continue? You tell me. 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. As most of you were confused, I apologize. In this chapter I hope to explain the situation further & clear up the confusion! Please keep reading!**

**P.S.: Sorry about the wait. I decided not to put it off any longer and continue this one. **

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**Chapter 2**

Olivia decided to take a risk. She silently rolled to the end of the couch to where the lamp sat. Without any light, it would literally be a shot in the dark.

She felt around for the legs of the end table, and then tied the dog's leash around it. Bearing in mind from which direction the voice came, she kept herself hidden by the cumbersome piece of furniture and held her gun steady. She knew the lamp to be cantankerous as it never turned on in fewer than two seconds after being told, so she was ready to aim and fire quickly if need be.

As the light chased away the darkness, Olivia found a target. Unfortunately, she found three of them. Two were sitting at her dining table; one on a seat, the other on the actual table itself. The third man stood closer to the window.

The man in the chair spoke again. "Nice maneuvering. Too bad you didn't try out for the bureau. We would have loved to have you."

Liv stared incredulously. "_Bureau_?"

She watched all three of them flip open FBI badges. After noticing none had weapons out and having a long, drawn out discussion with herself, she finally lowered the gun. The beating of her heart still echoed in her ears.

"_What the hell_--are you guys trying to kill me?" she managed as she rested her hands on her knees, trying to control her racing heart beat and haggard breathing.

The two other men snickered. The lead agent rose from the chair and walked towards her to shake her hand. "Agent Johnson, Federal Bureau of Investigation."

"Detective Benson, but you already know that." She shook his hand, then gestured with her pistol to his colleague. "Tell him to get his ass the hell off my table. I eat there."

Johnson did so, and the other agent jumped neatly down. Feeling secure for the moment, Olivia dropped her firearm on the couch.

Johnson smiled. "Right. And -- as to your previous question: yes and no."

Olivia widened her eyes, briefly flicking them down at her gun on the sofa pillow. _Why did I do that! Damn! Still--It'd only take a half-second. If the other two aren't ready, I could catch them all by surprise.  
_

Agent Johnson noticed her incertitude. "Don't worry. You won't need that. I promise."

"Then what the hell are you talking about -- _yes and no_?" Olivia wasn't in the mood to play games or answer riddles.

"Perhaps I should introduce myself more formally. Agent Darrell Johnson, FBI, _Witness Protection_."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Liv sat at the table, directly across from Johnson. The other two, introduced as James and Denault, were staying out of the way. Agent James, the younger and more inexperienced of the two, had moved from the table to the sofa, where he sat scratching the dog's ears. Denault was still on guard by the window, making sure everything was under control outside.

Olivia rubbed her face with her hands. " I _don't_ need protection! How many times do I have to say that?"

She knew the answer already._ Until I start to believe it._

"Don't need protection? Tell me, Detective: how many times with in the last, oh, _eight_ days has an attempt been made on your life?"

Olivia sighed. _More than I care to admit._

_The past couple of weeks had really worn on Olivia. A routine investigation into a child pornography site had sent red flags up with the FBI's Organized Crime Taskforce. Refusing to back off, she and the rest of the team pressed on against the wishes of the Taskforce. After the futile, and near feudal, turf war, the feds agreed to allow them to continue with their initial investigation so long as they stayed away from any high profile targets and submitted to FBI supervision. As the pornography faction lead higher and higher up the food chain, the Taskforce got nervous and pulled rank, killing the SVU investigation. But they had acted too late. The crime boss Albert Mendoza had been reached._

Johnson failed to get her attention. "Detective!"

_She and Elliot had managed to shake their FBI tail on that final day. Acting on a tip they'd received from a man already in custody, they traveled across town to the apartment of one of Mendoza's alleged mistresses -- Mitsy Stevens._

Olivia jerked back to the present when Agent Johnson grabbed her arm. "What?"

"Have you even been listening to me?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Sorry."

He sighed, "Right. As I was saying -- Mendoza's got it out for you. He's _not_ going to stop until he succeeds."

"Or until he's in prison. The feds are only_ inches_ away from indicting the bastard," Olivia reminded him.

"Iron bars aren't going to prevent him from doing anything! How many crime lords in the world still run their enterprise from the joint? Even if -- and I say _if _-- he gets killed, someone else will take his place and try to avenge him. As long as he still has men on the outside, you're not safe. Got it?"

Flames flickered in Liv's eyes, but slowly they extinguished themselves and she nodded. "Why me?" she whispered quietly to herself.

"What?" Johnson asked, figuring she had asked him a question.

"Oh, nothing," Olivia mumbled back. "I just was wondering why he's after me so much -- and not anyone else. I know this sounds horrible, and that it's better this way: but why isn't he trying to kill Elliot, too? He was with me every step of the way, but it seems I'm the only target."

Johnson mournfully nodded his head. "I know what you mean, but that's how Mendoza is. He respects male authority figures -- he believes Detective Stabler was only doing his job. But with women -- whole different ballgame. He blames you for ruining one of his more profitable rackets, driving away customers, putting employees in jail, and chasing off the people he feels closest to. The first items were just business, and he could deal with it -- but then you hit him personally."

"I didn't --" Liv started, but stopped just as soon. At the time she didn't believe she had done anything on a personal level, but looking back, she realized she may have been a little overzealous.

"You did. I'm not blaming you for anything. I would have done the same. But Mendoza, he sees it differently. By confronting Miss Stevens the way you did -- providing her with the disgusting details of his business deals -- he saw it as a threat. Especially when she ran and encouraged the rest of his mistresses to do the same. Not to mention the fact that after you spoke with her, his wife took his children and 'disappeared.'"

Olivia sighed, absentmindedly scratching at an imperfection in the table.

Agent Johnson looked at her with a sympathetic eye. "I know it seems drastic, but sometimes the only way to live without fear is to destroy it completely. And, no offense, but you're running scared."

Olivia slammed her fist on the table. "I AM NOT!"

The outburst drew attention from both of the other agents in the room. Denault glanced away from the window for a second, but then returned to his task. James stopped petting the dog, and stood up. He was about to step over to the table when Johnson waved him away. The dog, however, strode over and collapsed at her feet.

Johnson didn't usually get angry, but her stubbornness was a great vexation. "If you're not, then what would you call that little incident downstairs?"

Olivia's heart did a little jump. "That was, um, nothing," she lied.

"Nothing, eh? From what Jennings reported down there, you were rivaling James Bond."

Liv shrugged. "I was just being cautious."

Agent Johnson shook his head. "Being cautious is one thing, but that? That's obsessively extreme. You're new to the neighborhood. For all you knew it could have been some old lady coming to visit a friend."

"Old ladies don't generally stay out that late after dark." Olivia protested.

"Who are you to say so? Fine, then it could have been some out-of-towner staying with a relative. You had no reason to suspect anything else. And yet you did." He pushed his chair backwards as he stood up. "I know you hate to admit it, Detective -- but you're succumbing to your fear."

Olivia's hand shot to her face as a tear fell. She looked away embarrassed. "How long do I have to decide?"

The man sighed. "Sooner is better. Maybe three days, maybe one. When an opportunity presents itself, we need to be ready if you do choose to do it. Don't worry about contacting us. We'll be in touch."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Sorry its taken so long. Life is complicated. Italics are flashbacks. Please review!  
**

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**Chapter 3**

Olivia sighed as she shut the door behind the three agents. She slowly walked over towards the window that looked down upon their car, and watched until they had all gotten in and driven away safely. Then she made her way to the sofa and flopped down. Her eyes burned, and her head pounded. She stretched out her arm, and flipped off the lamp. The apartment plunged into darkness.

A few tears trickled down her cheek.

She knew the agent was right. Things had quickly spiraled out of control. Other people were at risk. Eight days ago she wouldn't have seen it that way, but now -- now was a different story.

_Olivia heard a soft popping noise and the glass window of the shop she had just exited shattered behind her. A second pop, and the car in front of her lost its rear window pane. A scream came from somewhere on the street. She dropped to the ground and rolled to safety behind the car. Glass shards rained down upon her as another car widow disintegrated above her. _

_Her heart was beating in her ears, and her gun snapped to attention as she slid along the length of the parked vehicle. Tires squealed, and before she could get a shot off, the shooter's vehicle was swinging wide around the corner. _

_Olivia sat down on the curb, listening as her heart gradually slowed down to its normal pace, and waited for the sirens of the responding police cruisers. _

No one had been injured in either that first event or the one that followed two days later, when a speeding black SUV nearly ran her over as she stepped out of the parked squad car. Liv had been adamant that neither had been purposely targeted at her. That is, until she found the note nailed to her apartment door.

_ Scared yet? _

She had reached up to grab the note and the door, which she knew had been locked previously, simply swung open into her apartment.

_ The chaotic scene took her breath away. Bits of broken glass, papers, and clothes littered the floor. Her sofa and dining room table had been tipped over on their sides. The dishes had been pulled from the cupboards and were smashed on the ground. The one plant she had managed to not kill had been separated from its pot, and it's dirt was strewn about on the area rug in front of her upturned sofa._

_Olivia pulled her gun from her holster and checked the remaining rooms. Her bedroom and bathroom had suffered the same fate as the front rooms, but there was no sign of the intruders. _

She had attempted to convince Elliot that she had left the door unlocked and some kids had probably popped in to make use of their angst. She pointed out her missing stereo and television set, but Elliot didn't buy it. Olivia didn't even buy it herself, and as such, she only slightly resisted when he offered up his old apartment as a temporary home. She drew the line, however, at any protection that he or the FBI offered.

Liv tried to shake the thoughts from her head as she stood up from the couch and made her way over to the refrigerator. She pulled out a container of cranberry juice and then searched for a clean glass. Finding one, she popped off the lid and poured herself a serving before returning to her spot on the sofa.

The dog had lifted his head from his paws to watch her. Liv smiled at him and reached down to scratch behind his ears.

"Oh, pooch -- what would I have done without you, huh?"

_"Elliot, stop! I don't need you to stay with me! I am perfectly capable --"_

_Elliot interrupted her. "I'm sure you are, but if something were to happen...," he trailed off, but said everything with a dip of his head._

_Olivia shook her head. "Nothing is going to happen! I'll be extra careful, I promise."_

_Elliot sighed. "I still would feel better if there were someone with you."_

_Munch had seen his opportunity, and called from the head of the stairs. "If I may make a suggestion?"_

_The two turned to look at him._

_"You?" Elliot gave him an awkward glance._

_Olivia smirked. "I'm fine! I swear."_

_Munch glared at Elliot. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, but no -- I wasn't talking about _moi

_Elliot seemed ready to respond, but Munch cut him off with a whistle. On cue, the front legs and head of a golden retriever appeared over the railing._

_Elliot stared incredulously, and Olivia surpressed a giggle as Munch led the newcomer down the stairs and over to her._

_Liv bent down to pet the dog, and Munch began the introductions. "Olivia, meet Kennedy. Kennedy, Olivia's gonna take you home with her."_

_Olivia glanced up at him. "Munch --"_

_He held up a hand. "No, just listen. I know you don't want any extra protection, but just take the dog, okay? I'll pay for the chow, and I'll even walk him and pick up his little contributions."_

_Olivia stood up and brushed some loose fur that she had already accumulated from her pants. "So this is _your_ dog? I didn't know you had a dog."_

_Munch smirked and held his hands up. "I come with many surprises."_

_Liv bit her lip. "Uh-huh. Fine, I'll take the dog. Just tell me one thing."_

_"What?"_

_"How long have you had it?"_

_Munch looked from side to side, and then leaned in towards Olivia. A smile was plastered on his face as he shrugged. "Oh, about two hours."_

Somewhere down the street a car alarm sounded. Liv felt herself jump from the couch. Never before had she been gun-shy and it scared her to death. Her fear transfigured into frustration. She wanted to scream -- she knew she was losing control.

Olivia heard the glass of juice shatter against the wall before she even realized she'd thrown it.

The dog whimpered and pawed at her leg.

Olivia looked down at it. "I'm fine. I'll clean it up."

The dog laid down, but cocked his head. Liv could have sworn there was a look of doubt etched on the furry face. Olivia began to respond, but stopped.

"Look at me -- I'm talking to a dog."

She shook her head in disbelief and plodded over to the mess.

Olivia carefully picked up the shards of glass and dropped them in the trash bin. She grabbed a roll of paper towels from the counter and glanced back to the wall. Her glance became an absent stare as she watched the red juice drip down the wall. The splattered liquid meandered rapidly along the white wallpaper and formed a pool at the bottom. In the dark, the drips were haunting her -- she couldn't forget earlier that day; she couldn't forget the blood.

_The ambulance wailed off into the distance, and flashing lights reflected off the glass windows of the apartment building. The area was swarming with police officers and crime scene technicians, but still Olivia couldn't move. She stared silently into the pool of blood on the sidewalk. It was all her fault._

_Cragen had asked her to stay in the precinct, but she had refused. She had argued that she wouldn't give up her life for some low-life scumbag. And now she had almost given someone else's._

_She had stepped out of the precinct building for some air -- everything had gotten so tense in the squad room lately -- and had gotten halfway down the street when a little boy bumped into her as he ran past, chasing a friend. The collision jarred her cell phone loose from its holder and it fell to the sidewalk. As Olivia bent to retrieve it, she heard a whizzing noise somewhere ahead of her. She glanced up and let out a cry._

_The little boy had fallen to the ground, and blood soaked the sleeve of his jacket. Olivia rushed to his side with her gun drawn, scanning the area. The boy was alive, the bullet had only grazed across his shoulder and disappeared into the brick building behind them. The boy's friend came tearing back, and shrieked as Olivia grabbed him and pushed him behind a row of newspaper dispensers. Olivia called in an ambulance, and positioned herself in front of the injured child._

_"It's okay," she whispered to him, and then looked up and down the street again. At the intersection, a black SUV turned onto the street. Olivia tensed up as it neared and slowly passed._

_The ambulance came quickly, and the boys were taken to the hospital. Another officer accompanied them, allowing Liv to stay behind and stare at her warped reflection in the blood._

The dog whimpered again, and brought Olivia out of her trance. She stepped over to the juice and made every effort to wipe it away. The paper towels absorbed the liquid, but streaks could still be seen on the wall.

Olivia gazed at the wall -- she could still see the blood and in it she could see the driver's face as he drove by. Olivia couldn't remember if it had actually happened or if she had imagined it, but she could see him wink at her from behind his shades. The thought of it made her stomach turn -- she felt like she wanted to puke.

Liv tossed the stained, damp paper towels into the trash and drudged back to the couch. She pulled her knees up to her chest and laid on her side.

The dog jumped up on the other end of the sofa, tucked his feet underneath him, and rested his chin on her feet.

Olivia didn't want to go to sleep with those images floating around, but she couldn't get them out of her head. They played and replayed through her mind, and time escaped her. The dog had long since fallen asleep, but yet Olivia laid still, counting away the hours.

Eventually, her eyelids could no longer support themselves, and she could no longer keep the torturous sleep at bay.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I was quicker with the update this time -- Reward me (with more reviews!) Please?  
**

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**Chapter 4**

Daylight streamed in through the apartment windows. The alarm clock in the bedroom switched on, and a muffled weather report floated out into the front room.

Olivia awoke startled from a paper thin sleep. Blinking the blurriness from her eyes, she yawned, pushed herself into a sitting position and consulted her wrist watch.

"Seven? Oh, god. Not yet," she moaned as she fell back to the couch. She had only managed three hours of uncomfortable sleep. She closed her eyes and was just about to drift off when there came a knock at the door. She popped one eye open, hoping she had imagined it.

Half a minute went by and a second round of pounding followed.

Olivia groaned as she stood up from the sofa. She teetered slightly as the blood rushed from her head and she took a second to steady herself.

"Liv, it's me." Elliot's muddled voice came through the door.

The dog sat staring at the door, wagging its tail.

Liv, fighting another yawn, stepped over the dog, and reached to unfasten the locks.

"Me who?" she asked, looking through the peephole. She knew Elliot well enough to know this was a test. Anything less than demanding his mother's maiden name would result in his lecturing her on safety.

Elliot smiled into the peep hole.

Olivia shook her head. "Hmm...looks about right. Now turn to the left."

She watched as his face became somewhat annoyed. "Liv, open up."

"Nah-uh -- you could be some assailant masquerading as my partner. I need to know your profile matches."

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Fine."

He turned to the left.

"Now to the right -- oh, never mind. I'd recognize that scowl anywhere."

She pulled open the door, and Elliot stepped in.

She feigned a smile when she saw his face and shrugged, "I was just being _overtly_ cautious."

Elliot nodded, rolling his eyes. His eyes darted around as he made a mental sweep of the room. Satisfied that everything was still secure, he held his arms behind his back and strolled over to the windows in silence. His back was turned to her, but Olivia could still read him.

"Go ahead and ask."

"Ask what?"

Olivia sighed. "Whatever it is you're fighting the urge to ask."

Elliot gave a tight grin. "You know -- if Kathy knew me as well as you do, we probably wouldn't have gotten divorced."

"If Kathy knew you as well as I do, you probably wouldn't have gotten married. Now stop stalling and ask before I stop feeling so hospitable."

He gave a slight raise of his chin and continued staring out the window. "Who were those men in your apartment last night?"

Olivia's eyes widened and she tried to swallow her anxiety. She glanced at the floor before locking her eyes on his silhouette. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Elliot spun back around to face her. "Don't play dumb, Olivia. I saw the whole thing."

Olivia ducked the question and took a defensive stance.

"You're _spying_ on me? Unbelievable!" She threw her hands up in the air. "No, not unbelievable -- I should have known better than to accept your quiet backing down at face value. You've _never_ trusted me to protect myself before-- why start now, eh, El?"

Elliot's face was turning red.

"No, Liv, _no_! _Don't_ make this about that!" He came at her, stopping inches from her with his finger pointing in his face. "This is not the time for your macho bullshit, Olivia -- Some of us happen to care about you and don't want to see you hurt. Now answer my damn question!"

The dog whimpered and quickly parked himself at Olivia's feet and faced Elliot. He didn't bark, but instead let out a low, rumbling growl.

Liv's eyes glowered, but she fought back the urge to answer facetiously. The look in his face demanded a serious response, and she choose to honor his request with honesty -- at least partially.

"They were...They were FBI," she said, dropping her voice to just above a whisper. Her mind was running on overdrive trying to find an explanation he would accept. "They wanted to offer me more protection."

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "It took three of them an hour and a half to offer protection? I don't buy it, Liv."

"I don't know, Elliot -- I guess they just wanted to be thorough. They used every possible angle to try and hook me. Besides, you have me so fricken paranoid it took _twenty minutes_ for me to believe they were who they said they were!"

Elliot dropped his hand and took a step back.

The dog visibly relaxed and resumed his silent watch.

Olivia held her breath, scrutinizing his every move. She saw him chew on his lip, and she released a quiet breath. _He bought it._

"Let me guess -- you refused."

Olivia shrugged. "It's not like they really cared about me -- they just want to keep me around so I can be a potential witness if they ever _do_ get around to prosecuting Mendoza."

"Maybe so, Liv, but they cared enough to keep you around." He shook his head. "Any sane person would have jumped at the chance, or at least have been gracious enough to_ think_ about their offer."

Olivia folded her arms against her chest and dropped her gaze to the floor, attempting to hide her struggle against tears. She resisted the temptation to scream at him -- to make him see just how much she had indeed thought about their proposition -- to make him see just how difficult a proposition it was for her to contemplate.

She let her arms fall to her side and inhaled deeply. "You're right -- absolutely right. Maybe it would just be easier on everyone if I did just disappear."

Elliot groaned, watching her as she grabbed her jacket from the table. "Liv -- that's not what I meant, and you know it. I just --"

"El, I get it." She held up her hand to silence him. "Now if you'd excuse me, Kennedy needs a walk before he piddles on your shoe." She pulled a leash out of pocket and attached it to the dog's collar.

Elliot looked down as if noticing the dog for the first time.

"Oh," he said as he followed her out the door and waited as she locked up the door.

They were silent as they walked down the hall and down the stairs. When they had reached the front door, Olivia broke the tense silence.

"You're staying in the apartment across the hall, aren't you?"

"Uh --" He stammered, pulling open the door.

"And your car is parked around the corner, isn't it?"

He smirked with a glimmer in his eye as he held open the door for her.

Liv smiled and shook her head as she walked the dog across the threshold. "Uh-huh. I figured as much."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. So sorry it's taken me forever, but senior year goes by way too fast!**

**This will be the final chapter. **

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**Chapter 5  
**

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks as she walked towards the squadroom. A nauseating realization had just hit her, and she was grateful that Elliot had failed to notice and had instead continued past the doorway.

_This may be the last time I ever walk through these doors. _She watched briefly as Elliot disappeared from view. Munch and Fin were engrossed in some conversation, and Detective Lake was consulting Cragen on the open file he held in his hands. Somewhere a phone was ringing, and there was chatter as the other members of the 16th Precinct went about their jobs. _This may be the last time._

Taking a deep breath and gathering her courage, Olivia started walking again. She quickly reached her desk, but hesitated with her hand on the back of her chair. Everything felt weird -- even pulling out her chair made her want to cry. Soon she became aware of the fact that several pairs of eyes were now trained on her. In response, Olivia stood up straight, and blinked away her eyes' tearful desires. She then sat down in her chair, pulled a stack of files close to her, and tried to pretend nothing was wrong.

"So, how's Kennedy?"

Olivia was startled by Munch's immediate presence at her desk. It took her a second to comprehend the question before she opened her mouth to speak.

"Oh...uh...he's fine. He's _great_ actually. Thanks."

Fin looked puzzled as he leaned back in his chair. "Who's Kennedy?"

Liv and Munch both started to answer at the same time. Munch graciously backed off, however, and allowed Liv to finish.

"He's the dog Munch gave me in case I needed protection."

Fin raised an eyebrow. "A dog?"

"Mmm-hmm." Olivia nodded.

"Wait a minute --" Fin addressed his partner. "You named the damn dog _Kennedy_? Oh, that's just sick."

Olivia shook her head, ignoring the situation, and tried to focus on some of the files on her desk. She glanced up as Elliot set a cup of coffee on her desk. "Thanks."

Munch looked over his glasses at Fin. "What do you mean -- _sick_?"

"Well...Kennedy didn't exactly last very long, now did he?"

Munch grimaced. "Fine. I acknowledge your point. But, as you see, my dear friend, Kennedy was taken out by his own government -- it's highly unlikely that the same would happen to Olivia. No offense, Liv."

"None taken, " she said while faking a grin, but the comment had hit closer to home than Munch would have ever suspected. _In fact, it's a very likely possibility._

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO  
**

It was dark outside when Elliot escorted Olivia home.

Olivia was so tired -- she'd spent the entire day trying not to focus so much energy on the decision ahead of her. She wanted so much to stop thinking about it all together, and she hoped she would make the right choice when the time arrived. The pressure was dragging her down. She was in need of something to control it.

_You have time_, she told herself. _You have plenty of time._

"Liv, you okay?"

Olivia looked up to see Elliot watching her with a concerned expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled timidly. She hadn't even realized she had stopped walking. She glanced about herself, hoping something would divert Elliot's attention away from her face.

Thankfully a quiet noise interrupted the tense silence. Olivia watched as Elliot spun around to locate the source.

A man was bent over next to the row of mailboxes, picking up the envelope he had dropped. Elliot studied him for a second. Satisfied that he was not any threat, Elliot steered Olivia towards the stairs.

Olivia stared at the man briefly. He met her gaze, dipped his head in greeting, and then disappeared into the first alcove in the hallway. When the apartment door shut behind him, and the sound of locks being secured were heard, she followed Elliot to the second floor.

As they neared her apartment door, Elliot held his hand out for her keys. Olivia glared at him.

"I can open my own damn door."

Elliot smirked, but stepped out of her way. When she had unlocked and pushed open the door, he brushed past her and quickly swept the apartment.

"All clear."

Olivia nodded.

There was a soft clicking as the dog came out of the bed room. He made his way over to greet Olivia, his tail wagging sleepily.

Elliot glanced about the room. "Well, looks like you two --"

" -- will be fine," Olivia added for him. "Seriously, go home."

Elliot looked as if ready to reply, but the ringing of his cell phone prevented any such action.

"Stabler," he said, answering the call. "Hi, honey."

He paused slightly, and Olivia could hear Kathy's muffled voice asking when he would be home.

Elliot sighed. "I don't know, I --" Elliot stopped when Olivia ripped the phone from his hands.

"He's just leaving now. He'll be home in a bit."

Kathy sounded relieved. "Great."

Olivia flipped the phone shut after Kathy hung up, and handed it back to Elliot.

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Liv, are you sure --"

"I'll be fine, I promise. Besides, Kathy hasn't seen your ugly mug in days, and she's been cooped up day in and day out with a newborn. If you don't go home soon, she just might decide you're not worth the effort, _again_. Lord knows I would."

He glared at her, barely managing to hide his smile. "Liv --"

Her voice was firm. "Go."

He looked hesitant to agree. "Alright, I'm going. Just keep your door locked, and I'll have Munch come check up on you in about an hour."

Olivia nodded as she closed the door behind him.

"And you better answer your phone when I call you!" he shouted through the door.

Olivia smiled and rolled her eyes. "Scram!"

She watched through the peephole as he disappeared down the hallway. When she could no longer see him, she turned around and leaned the back of her head against the door.

_You have time. You have time. You have --_

"Shit." She knew she had seen the man in the entry before. Faces floated through her mind -- Mendoza, the man in the dark SUV, the police officers at the scene, the FBI agents -- the FBI agents. Her mind wheeled through the night before.

_That's it! _The man with the mail had been the one in the car parked across the street. She was sure of it.

_But why is he here? And why nod once -- why not say hello? _Olivia struggled to figure it out. _Unless...unless --_

"Unless he's here for a reason?"

The pounding at the door sent shockwaves through her skull.

Olivia grimaced. _Maybe I don't have time._

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"I just want to make sure you understand, detective -- we may never get a better chance."

Olivia sat on the couch, her head resting on her knees. Agent Johnson sat in front of her on the coffee table, while Agent Denault and the man from downstairs -- Agent Jennings -- stood behind their boss.

It had only been fifteen minutes since Elliot had left her door, and already she was being asked to decide.

Agent Johnson put a hand on her knee. "I know it's difficult, but we need an answer. And quickly. It won't be long before someone comes to check up on you, and when they do -- we're out of luck. It could be days or even months before we get another shot -- _if _we get another shot."

Olivia looked up at him and nodded. Her voice cracked. "How?"

Denault cleared his throat. "We witnessed one of Mendoza's men breaking into your car and inserting an explosive device. We managed to tow your car into one of our garages without incident and discovered the bomb was time-delayed and hooked to your ignition. Our technicians were able to disarm the bomb and refigure it to a remote control device so we can control when and where the bomb will detonate."

Olivia chewed her lip as her stomach twisted into a knot. "A bomb?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Olivia closed her eyes. _That could have killed anyone. Anyone could have died because of me._

Her voice was quiet, but strong. "I'll do it."

Johnson straightened up. "You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"You do know there's no coming back, right? Alex Cabot may have returned -- however briefly -- but you will not be, you understand? That was a major breach of protocol that could have proved very dangerous. I'm not willing to make an oversight of that magnitude. There will be no coming back once you say yes."

Olivia nodded as a tear dropped from her chin. "I know."

"And you still want to go through with it"

Liv's eyes flew open. "I said I'd do it, and I'll do it!"

Johnson gave her a smile. "Okay, then. It's showtime." He turned towards the others. "Is Maria ready yet?"

Jennings nodded. Olivia judged him to be a man of small words.

There was a soft tap on the apartment door, and Denault went to open it. An athletic-looking woman with short, dark hair entered the room.

Johnson stood up. "Detective Benson, I'd like you to meet Maria Jacobs."

The woman stuck out her hand. "It's nice to meet you -- I'll be dying for you this evening."

Olivia's eyes widened. "Come again?"

Johnson smiled. "What she means is she'll be the one driving your car. Maria used to do work as a stunt double, and as she's your height and build, she'll be your double in case anyone happens to be watching."

"Oh." Olivia watched as the woman donned a wig that greatly resembled Olivia's hairstyle. Her stomach began to turn. "What if something goes wrong?"

Maria smiled. "Don't worry, girl. I've done this before. I know what I'm doing."

Olivia wasn't completely reassured by her statement, and was about to speak on the subject again, but she was cut off.

"Okay, guys -- we gotta move. Time's running out!" Johnson handed Olivia a hooded jacket. "Oh, and I'll be needing your gun and badge."

Liv slipped the jacket on. "Why?"

"Maria will leave them in the car. They'll be needed to help identify your remains."

Olivia tried hard not to dwell on the images that accompanied his last sentence. Almost mechanically she unclipped her holster and removed her badge and handed them over to Johnson. It pained her to do so -- she felt as though she were losing part of her existence. _I am losing my existence._

"Your cell phone, too."

She placed the phone into his hands without a word. Olivia watched as her personal belongings were handed over again, this time to Maria, who slipped them into the large pockets of her jacket. _My jacket_, Olivia noticed for the first time.

Johnson turned back to her, and motioned for her to come with him.

"What about the dog?"

Johnson looked down at the animal laying at her feet. "Leave him here."

He glanced about at the kitchen counter. A writing pad had been set upon it as well as a pen. Johnson grabbed the two items and handed them to Olivia.

"We need you to write a note explaining you got a call and had to leave."

Olivia took the notepad gingerly. After a minuted she scrawled something across the page.

"Elliot's gonna kill m --" She stopped as she realized the absurdity of her sentence. _He can't kill me; I'll already be dead. _

"Oh my God, what am I doing?" Olivia slumped on to the couch and ran her hands through her hair. _Elliot's gonna blame himself. I can't do that to him._

"I can't do this."

Johnson shook his head. "I already told you, detective. There's no going back. You're going to have to do this."

"No," Olivia shook her head violently. "No, I can't do it. I can't do this to them."

Johnson placed a hand reassuringly on her shoulder. "Yes, you can. You're stronger than any of us here. I know you can do this. You have to do this. You know that , right?"

Olivia stared vacantly, but finally allowed the slightest dip of her head.

"You can do it, detective." He held out his hand. "We'll do it together. Come on."

Olivia looked up at him, and took his hand. She rose from the couch, and stepped in front of him. Maria had already left, and the two other agents were waiting in the hall.

"Stay," she commanded the dog, who whimpered noisily as the agents pulled the door shut behind her.

The dog's cries echoed in the hallway, chasing her. Olivia tried to shut it all out, but she failed miserably. Tears fell as she followed Denault down the stairs and out the back door of the laundry room.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Liv sat in the back seat of a black SUV parked on a street corner in a desolate area of town. The building next to her was vacant, and the streets were empty of any traffic.

A voice crackled over the static of Johnson's walkie-talkie. Olivia couldn't quite make out what it said, but reasoned that it had to do with her car coming into sight. She could barely make out Maria in the front seat and was surprised at how much Maria did resemble her -- from a distance at least.

The car passed in front of the SUV and continued down the street.

"Okay Maria, you good?" Johnson shouted into his transceiver.

There was a muffled response, and Johnson spoke again. "Okay, guys -- Hit it!"

Olivia stared intensely. She managed to catch a glimpse of Maria diving out of an open door before the entire car erupted into a noisy fireball.

"Alright, guys -- let's head out. They've got it under control here."

The engine to the SUV started, and the vehicle pulled out on to the street, turning away from the flaming car.

Olivia turned around and continued watching through the rear window. Thoughts of Elliot, and the rest of the crew, floated through her mind.

It was almost as if it were a movie.

_The phone would ring endlessly in her apartment. Elliot would become frantic when his call went unanswered. He would leave a hurried message before hanging up and calling again. When that call went unanswered as well, he would starting dialing her cell phone and curse her very existence for not answering._

_Munch would be whistling cheerfully as he strolled into her apartment building. His face would blanch when he heard the dog's pleas, and he would take off at a dead sprint up the stairs. His gun would find its way into his hand as he reached the top, and his heart would leap into his throat when he found her door unlocked._

_Munch would find the note and immediately alert the others. Hopefully, he would take the dog with him when he went to search for her._

_They all -- Elliot, Munch, Fin, Cragen, and even Lake -- would drive for hours maybe, searching for some trace of her in the city. Elliot would never stop calling her phone even as he drove. He would begin by screaming at her to pick up, but would eventually settle into silent pleading. Maybe he would struggle to keep from crying. Maybe he would let the tears fall._

_And then, they would find her car -- her violently twisted piece of burning metal -- and their real hell would begin._

Olivia couldn't control her tears as she fingered the wrinkled photo she had managed to save from her desk before she left. It had been taken at the hospital after Elliot, Jr. had been born and featured nearly everyone she loved. They all stood smiling back at her.

She felt sick when her eyes happened across her own happy face in the picture. The pain she now felt was immeasurable. She was never going to see them again. It was too late to do anything about it. She was out of time.

_It was better this way. Good-byes would have been too painful_, she tried to tell herself. _It was better to just leave -- to just make a clean break._

Olivia knew it would take time to realize she had made the right decision, but for now, she could no longer bear to look at the picture. She let her hands drop to her lap, and she raised her eyes once more to the window.

Her burning car was the sole bright spot in the night and the flickering light it cast danced upon the buildings surrounding it.

The flames appeared to get smaller as the SUV continued on its path, but Olivia didn't remove her eyes. Sirens could be heard, followed quickly by flashing lights as the first responders arrived, but still Olivia seemed not to notice. She just silently watched as her life burned away.

The SUV made a turn, and the flames were no longer visible. Olivia twisted back around, sinking down into her seat. Denault and Johnson were having a quiet discussion in the front seat, but she made no attempts to eavesdrop.

Olivia remained focused on the road ahead, silent and still.


End file.
